I was too exhausted to post anything last night, so I'm posting it today. Sophie, Lisa, Peter and I are finally in Nebraska. That's right, people. We are in Hemingford Home, Nebraska, finally! When we got word that the first group of people had gotten there, Peter was anxious to rush there as soon as possible. I figured that he was getting pretty lonely since he and Lisa left the other group that they were with, the ones going strictly to Las Vegas. Otherwise, I was guessing that he wanted to get there so he could finally hang out with men, which would happen when you spend all of your time sleeping, driving or in the company of women and a little girl. I remember when I was a little girl and my father would go out to a bar just for male bonding. He wasn't a drinker, but he got a little itchy when he spent all of his time with me and my mother. I guess that the same is true with Peter, even after the superflu.
Along with finally getting to Nebraska was finally getting to meet Nick Andros; the man that I've been talking about in the last several blogs, the man that I'm in love with. He met me outside with all of the others and I choked. I couldn't move and when he came to me and hugged me, I started crying. Yes. It was definitely something that I never thought would happen. But, he kissed me. He kissed me, not the other way around like I thought that it was going to be. We kissed for awhile, too, and it was so nice. I'm still embarrassed, though, because I kissed Nick before I introduced myself to Mother Abigail, the woman who saved all of our lives and gave us meaning again. I think that it was okay by her that I did so, but I want to make sure to apologizr to her.
After our first kiss; Nick and I went for a walk in the cornfield, the same cornfield from our dreams of Mother Abigail. We talked, as well as we could given our circumstances, and it led to us making love. For real. It wasn't a dream. Never have I been so nervous about getting naked and becoming physical about someone. I was self conscious about the scars from the car wreck that he could see and I was never self conscious of them before. I was just nervous about the whole damn thing. Needless to say, it was much better than what I could ever dream. It was absolutely mind-blowing. Amazingly, Nick knew things that I didn't even know about, let alone saw and felt. He's the only man that has made me...during...you know what I mean, right? The act. I was a little unsure about making love in the cornfield, but I thought about it and nothing is more romantic than making love for the first time under the beautiful, starry night sky. Besides, nothing else really mattered past the fact that I was with the man that I am madly in love with.
When we were done, we held each other. I've never felt so warm and loved like I did last night. However, I knew that once we got up, got dressed and went inside; our new lives would be intertwined with everyone else's and important things have to happen because it's God's will. Naive as it sounds, I was hoping that the important stuff would wait just a little while once the first group made it to Hemingford Home. Nope. We have to get to Boulder and then, who knows what else. Nick is important to us all, not just to me. He's the one who has to lead us. He's our first post-superflu president. Does that make me the first post-superflu first lady? Hmm. I don't know if I want to be. I mean, I want to be with him and I want to love him. However, I don't want power. I don't want him to have power. I want to be happy and peaceful with him and Sophie in our house with our book collection and room for a family (his words, not mine). But, I don't think that I'm going to get that, not right away. I'm just going to have to take it in stride and do my part to assure that we're going to be together.
I didn't sleep well last night, though one would assume that I would after meeting the man I love and making love with him. But, I didn't. I had a lot of dreams, bad ones. Mikey was in a couple of them. I don't even know why I'm still dreaming about him, but I am. The last one that I had left me crying in my sleep. It was late March or early April and I was finally giving birth to a baby. Sophie was there. Peter and Lisa were there. Gina was there. June and Olivia was there. Lucy Swann was there. Fran Goldsmith and Stu Redman was there. Tom Cullen was there. When the baby, a boy, was born; everyone was waiting outside to hear the news. The baby and I were healthy and everyone was happy, but Nick wasn't there and neither was Mother Abigail or Ralph Bretner, a man who was traveling with Nick. Everyone looked at the baby as if he was some kind of prince or a future king or something, but Nick wasn't there. The baby looked just like him, but he wasn't there and no-one would tell me where he was.
Well, I'm off to do some stuff today. Looking forward to how today is going to turn out. I hope that I won't be too disappointed. Bye!