Friday, June 19, 2009

Close to Home

1:47 pm...

We're obscenely close to Boulder now. Ralph and Olivia already met some people that stayed there: four people in total. I have to admit that I am super excited to get there, now more than ever. Once we're there, I really believe that we will no longer have to worry about anything else. I hope that's the case, anyway.

I can't believe that it's been three days since my last entry. A lot has happened, then. So much so, I don't know if I can completely trust myself as much as I had learned to. Nick and I were told some disturbing news a couple of days ago and though we're hoping that it's not true, there is the reality that it could be true. Since then, I've been monitoring myself to see if I feel any different or if I feel like having a violent outburst or whatnot. There has been nothing. Perhaps, I've been too cautious, but nobody else have been and I don't want it where everything is normal and then something happens. I feel like I'm back in the hospital with people just waiting for me to wake up or die.

Nick is still leading, which is good for everyone else and...okay for me. I mean, I didn't realize how important it was for him to lead until he was willing to walk away from it all, but I decided to stay in Boulder and that means that it could be considered biased if he seems to make decisions based on what I think. Dick Ellis had told him that I was dictating his thoughts and he had his head up my...never mind. I guess that it's water under the bridge. Things are fine now and we talked it over. He apologized and all, but I guess that it just goes to show that the people going to Boulder aren't angelic. I definitely know that I'm not. I still feel like people are watching me, and maybe they are. I am romantically involved with the chosen leader of our new world. I am sleeping with the chosen leader of our new world. There has to be some of them who wished that I had never come along in the first place. It may be because of jealousy or just because I don't fit into Nick's path as the leader, but I feel like I am being closely watched.

I'm feeling all doom-and-gloomy. I should be happy. We're near Boulder and that's where all of our dreams have led us. Nick and I are still together and we're going to take one day at a time. I think that all of us should do that.

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