It's almost been 12 hours since my last blog. Cool. Today's been a very introspective. I spent most of the day by myself, walking in the cornfield. Lisa and Peter were in their respective places, but Lisa did give me the "we're going to talk to Nick" speech. Sophie's been playing with Gina, so I think that she's forgotten about sex, which is a good thing. On the other hand, I've been thinking more about Nick. I was right. He is the leader of our new world, and he's unsure of it. However, I think that it's appropriate for him. Mother Abigail is not a stupid woman. She's not a weak woman. I do believe that God is talking to her and from a person that never believed in God, that means a lot. I believe in God a lot more than I did because of the Superflu and because of Nick. I believe that God brought me to Nick and He made me fall in love with Nick. Why? I have no idea, but I'm glad that I'm with him. I just dread what's in store for him. I would hate to fall in love with him and make love to him just to lose him.
On that note, I guess that Mikey is coming to Boulder, though I made myself clear that I didn't want him there. I hate that Mikey thinks that he has this power over me. He makes these decisions just so I can be afraid of him. I don't like being afraid. Besides, I'm already afraid of Nick's new position. I don't really need Michael Parrish around to add fuel to the fire.
When I walking around this afternoon, I remembered two things. One was that Mikey had a shitload of condoms on him and when I was with him, I was hellbent on not getting pregnant because people were dropping like flies. I don't why I didn't remember this sooner, but I remember it now. I think that maybe we were unprotected once and I'm pretty sure that he got away from me before the point of no return. So, odds are that I'm not pregnant and I won't be getting pregnant with his child. On the other hand, Nick and I were unprotected last night, and we were together the entire time, if you catch my drift. I'm not freaked out about it because Nick and I are in love and we're planning on becoming a family anyway. Besides, it looks like I'm going to be having his baby anyway if the dream is supposed to be prophetic.
Speaking of prophetic dreams, some of the dreams that I had seem to be changing or things are happening that I haven't dreamt about. For instance, I had no idea that Nick and I were going to make love last night. I didn't even think that we were going to meet in Nebraska. I always thought that I was going to meet him in Boulder. I always dreamt that we were making love in a house in Boulder. Maybe that will still happen, but I thought that Boulder would be where we made love for the first time.
I don't know when we'll be going to Boulder. I want it to be soon and yet, I don't want it at all. Maybe I've been spoiled and Nick's skills as a lover is just out of this world. Maybe the realist in me is hiding. Either way, it's going to happen and there's not much that I can do about it. That wild child part of me still wonders what would have been if Mikey and I had gone to Las Vegas. That part of me wonders if I would have been as happy as I am now. Hell, that part of me still wants to run to Las Vegas and fuck every man I see to get rid of the love that I feel for Nick. That part of me is terrified that I'm going to fuck this up and hurt Nick. But, I trust that he trusts me and I have to keep that trust close to my heart. God, the things that Nick makes me feel; mentally, physically and emotionally, are amazing. If I conceive his child, that'll be even better for our family. I think that Sophie would love having a little sister or brother. Good night, everyone. Time for sleep.