A Little about Myself

10:42 pm...

I found this journal, so I think that it would be best to start writing in it. Let me introduce myself, in case I don't make it for some reason. My name is Anastasia Lillian Austen, but I prefer to be called Lilly. I am a 20 year old woman from Bayfield, Wisconsin; population: 611 as of 2000. I graduated from Bayfield High School when I was 17 and spent the next three years self-destructing and sleeping around. I was called a slut, whore of Bayfield, and whatever else may have been just a way to call me a slut. That stopped when my ex-boyfriend named Chris Stiles got drunk and crashed into a wall. I got pretty fucked up, but Chris died so I guess he got the short end of the stick and I didn't.

I was still in the hospital when the superflu hit. It's odd, being in a place where you'd think that most of the sick people would go. But, they didn't. The nurses kept dwindling and I didn't realize something was wrong until my favorite nurse, Lavenia, stopped showing up. Another nurse, Susan, came in that day and told me that Lavenia had died. Then, Susan stopped showing up and all of a sudden, the world stopped. I was in the hospital three days after everyone died. I thought that I would go insane, until a guy named Michael Parrish came along. He decided that we should leave and leave we did.

I slept with Michael. We slept together at least five times, possibly more than that. Michael was good in bed, but he wasn't right for me. See, I kept having these dreams about a cornfield and an old African American woman named Abigail Freemantle, though I call her Abby. She told me to come visit her with all of my friends, and I planned to do so. However, I also had dreams about a guy in really hideous cowboy boots named Randall Flagg. He wanted me and Michael to come and see him as well. Michael kept having dreams to go to Vegas, where Flagg was. I definitely found that it was a difference of opinion or a conflict of interest.

An argument led Michael away from me. He took off one morning and I couldn't find him. Later that day, I met Sophia Appleton. I like to call her Sophie. She's 4 years old and taking care of her has made me see that I am more than just a whore. However, Michael has come back more than once, and he's grown harder to be around. There is also the fact that I may be pregnant with his child, though it may be too soon to tell.

Just today, I met an older couple from Illinois named Lisa and Peter. I know that I can trust them and I can be safe with them. Sophie has taken to calling Lisa her grandma. Sophie also calls me her mama, which is cute and ironic because my birth mother was 16 when she had me. I feel like I have a family again.

I also think that I am love for the first time in my entire life. I won't say much about him yet, not until I meet him. That way, it will feel more real when we meet. I dreamt about him, that I would try to protect him even though I am small and kinda easy to throw around. Then, I actually spoke to him, and we have become close but not in the way that I was close with Michael where we would jump in bed and forget our troubles. In our conversations, I had to actually face what may happen and it made our feelings quite strong for one another, or as strong as it could be for two people who haven't even met yet. As it turns out, we're having dreams about one another, intimate dreams. I have hope for the two of us because we are very much alike and we can understand each other. However, I think that he may die, and I have to stop that from happening.

Damn! I got so busy with the introduction, I didn't even get to what I wanted to say. I guess that I'll have to do two posts in one day. Bye!