Sunday, August 30, 2009

Lucky, Lucky Me

11:57 pm...

I have to be one of the luckiest women in this new world. Nick was gone for most of the day, but we did spend some time together before he went to sleep. He said he was coming down with a cold and two thoughts crossed my mind instantaneously. The first thought was that he had a late strain of Captain Trips and I was going to watch him die. The second thought was I was glad he doesn't have Captain Trips, but I had to keep the baby safe. I think he was thinking along those lines as well because he offered to sleep in the guest bedroom until he felt better. Since I'm used to sleeping with him in our bed, I asked him to sleep with me tonight. We didn't have sex tonight, but I think he was just too tired and sick to care. So, we went to bed.

I don't sleep well, despite the fatigue I've been having. I take naps during the day, so it's harder for me to actually go to sleep at night, which is I'm blogging instead of sleeping next to my wonderful fiance.

I find it odd sometimes that I can communicate with someone who can't hear or talk to me better than someone that can hear and/or talk to me. It's definitely odd, but wonderful at the same time. I told Nick earlier tonight that I was sad about the sonogram issue I've been having, and the first thing he says is that he'll ask Dr. Ellis if we can use the genny (generator, for those who are wondering) to have one. Isn't he wonderful or what?

I also find myself very comfortable with our comfortable silences. I know that most of the time we spend together is silent, but it can be terribly uncomfortable when we have our uncomfortable silences and it can be so welcoming when we have comfortable silences. I look at Nick when we're in the middle of comfortable silences and I think about how beautiful he is and how beautiful our little boy or girl will be just from his genes alone. I'm pretty, but I didn't conceive little Rudy or Hope by myself. Luckily, I found someone who is gentle and sweet and protective of our little family.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

The Cheese Blog

9:44 pm...

I miss cheese. I know this is the last thing I should write a blog about, but that's the thing I miss about being in Wisconsin. I heard California has some really awesome cheese, but Wisconsin cheese is what I'm craving big time. A nice big double cheeseburger with chili cheese fries sounds so fucking good right now. I can't wait for the electricity to be turned on. Also, a nice wheel of Brie would be Heaven sent.

My family was seafood lovers and I was a cheese lover. I could basically take or leave seafood, but if someone sent me some Brie or made some mac and cheese, I was in seventh heaven. I used to hate cheese when I was little. I wouldn't even eat cheese for money but when I had my first bite of my friend's lasagna, I instantly fell in love. After that, I went into the pursuit of finding good cheese. I am now a really big fan of Brie, Mozzarella, Provolone, American, Cheddar and Gouda.

Unfortunately, it's impossible for me to have any of those cheeses right now because the refrigerators are not on and all of the cheeses are rancid. I can't even have milk right now and I've had to settle with orange juice w/calcium, or prenatal vitamins and Vitamin Water or Propel or Snapple or whatever drink that doesn't need to be refrigerated. I'm too afraid to double up on the prenatal vitamins because I don't want to hurt the baby. I've also become a little avoid-y of sex with Nick. I can tell he's itching to have sex with me, but I might have become a little paranoid. It's not like Nick and I were into rough, S & M sex, but I can now see why he was suddenly so careful once we found out about the baby. In three weeks, he'll get the time of his life, though.

I'll be 9 weeks pregnant in two days. If I can just get to the second trimester without any problems, I will be so happy. I just keep telling myself "Three weeks, Lily. Three weeks and I'll be out of the woods." I'm anxious just thinking about it.

Well, it's time for me to go to sleep. I'm going to be teaching Sophie how to count in the morning. My brilliant little girl already learned how to read and soon, I'm going to teach her how to tie her shoes.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Bride to Be

11:28 pm...

Yesterday, I asked Nick to marry me. It's been pretty busy during the last week or so, so there hasn't been many posts. I also haven't done a lot of writing because this is my own little memoir that was only supposed to be as long as my travels were. However, there are times when I feel that I need to write something. This is one of those days. I've been on cloud nine since he said yes. I know that it's traditional for him to ask me, but I'm a little impatient and the big meeting a few days ago brought everything into perspective for me.

Harold Lauder decided to propose that all of the committee members should work on a more permanent basis, and Nick didn't turn it down. There was a part of me that felt (a little) like a fool because Nick has been telling me that he couldn't wait to get off of the council so he can spend time with me and Sophie. However, I can't say that I blame him because I know that he wants to make sure that Boulder is functioning properly. When we first got together and before then, his concern was for everyone, the people. So, I understand the logic and I hope that after some time, especially when it gets closer to having the baby, he'll ease off of the committee work to spend time with us.

(By the way, I hate Harold Lauder, and I can tell that he's not exactly fond of me. He probably thinks that I'm less than Fran Goldsmith, the object of his affection, but she's not with him, is she?)

You know the saying, "You can't make a whore into a housewife?" Well, I guess you can. Nick did. I know that I shouldn't call myself a whore, but I'm a realistic woman. I'm young and I had fun when I was single. I wasn't looking to commit to anyone, but things changed and I realized that it was time to roll with the punches or go insane in the midst of dead bodies somewhere between Wisconsin and Illinois. There were some things that I wish were different, some things that I wished never happened, but I think I learned from it and I'm better because of it. When it comes to sex and relationships, I'm done. No more casual sex or frivolousness. This is it: my first, last and only serious relationship. I love this man and I want to marry him. I would say that I wanted to carry his children, but I'm already doing that.

It's way past when I would normally go to sleep, but I'm floating and giggly. I have to tell someone, even if it's just me in this journal. Well, good night all.